"Asia is very different," she tells me.
Every day at 3pm, I meet with Roni. Roni is an Indian woman who was trained at the language school, but works independently as a conversation partner to help students practice their Hindi. She is very cool.
Yesterday, in my "ali-baba pants," tee shirt, and sweatshirt (zipped up half way), Roni told me she had to tell me something अंग्रेज़ी में (in english). Apparently, I was "getting a lot of eyes from bad men." She proceeded to tell me a number of stories of Western women in horrible situations. "Ladies aren't friends with men," she spelled it out for me, and if a woman "invites problems" (referring specifically to the way Western women dress), then the men "can't control themselves."
(me, 2008, "ali-baba pants")
I've heard this argument before. It's a strange mixture of blaming the victim and debasing the perpetrator. If a man has no choice but to behave amorally when faced with temptation then the woman should have known not to put herself in the role of temptation. But there's something else going on here. Roni was not coming from a blame-the-victim mentality, she was not, explicitly or in her subtext, arguing that the women "deserved," or "asked for it." She displayed a definite sense of pity for women who expected men to have self-control. As if western women expect too much from men, and it's too bad that in some cases, we learn the hard way that modesty is best.
I watch the women in Mussoorie. Nearly all of the adult women dress traditionally either in saris or salwar kameez. Many younger ladies and girls wear western कपड़े (clothing), although many teenagers also wear salwaar kameez. The foreign tourists wear a funny conglomeration of the two, and I am honestly a bit wary of cultural appropriation- though I'm not sure how that functions when I am embedded both in the context of this culture, but retain a mostly western mindset. Clearly I am in a gray area.
(salwar kameez)
I see a lady, about my age, riding on the back of a motorbike. She is wearing jeans and straddles the bike. Taking a physical manifestation of metaphor, this is a much more active position- facing forward, and exposing the front of her body to the world. This position says, "I am here, I have opinions, and I can execute my own decisions." Women in saris and even salwaar kameez (even though it's basically a pant suit), do not straddle. They sit side-saddle. This position is passive, it says, "I am along for the ride."
But there are also women like Roni, who dress in traditional, and more modest clothing, but recognize that that, too, is a kind of power. Deciding to cover my shoulders, my chest, my ankles, is the knowledge that, "this is my body, and I can exert some degree of self-protection by dressing in this way. Men, they are fickle and cannot control themselves, and so, I control myself."
When walking the paths with Roni, we pass by a few men and she adjusts her scarf around her neck and shoulders so that it hangs just so over her chest. She does this when a certain air of, "yeah, i know you like it, but you can't have it," and we keep walking.
And even with my trepidation of presenting myself as a tourist who just thought "those dress-things are SO PRETTY!" and wearing tie-dye and brightly colored kameezes, which would only serve to attract more attention to myself instead of the intended effect of avoiding "getting a lot of eyes from bad men," Roni insisted that I find myself a couple of suits. And despite my holding tightly onto the belief that men are not so lowly or weak, and I can dress in whatever way I feel comfortable and appropriate, I also feel less comfortable and certainly less appropriate in my typical fashion. I am the girl whose every outfit involves a tank-top, regardless of whether. That, however, will not fly here. (Plus... those dress-things really बहुत सुंदर हैं, are very pretty.)
"Asia is very different."
Every day at 3pm, I meet with Roni. Roni is an Indian woman who was trained at the language school, but works independently as a conversation partner to help students practice their Hindi. She is very cool.
Yesterday, in my "ali-baba pants," tee shirt, and sweatshirt (zipped up half way), Roni told me she had to tell me something अंग्रेज़ी में (in english). Apparently, I was "getting a lot of eyes from bad men." She proceeded to tell me a number of stories of Western women in horrible situations. "Ladies aren't friends with men," she spelled it out for me, and if a woman "invites problems" (referring specifically to the way Western women dress), then the men "can't control themselves."
I've heard this argument before. It's a strange mixture of blaming the victim and debasing the perpetrator. If a man has no choice but to behave amorally when faced with temptation then the woman should have known not to put herself in the role of temptation. But there's something else going on here. Roni was not coming from a blame-the-victim mentality, she was not, explicitly or in her subtext, arguing that the women "deserved," or "asked for it." She displayed a definite sense of pity for women who expected men to have self-control. As if western women expect too much from men, and it's too bad that in some cases, we learn the hard way that modesty is best.
I watch the women in Mussoorie. Nearly all of the adult women dress traditionally either in saris or salwar kameez. Many younger ladies and girls wear western कपड़े (clothing), although many teenagers also wear salwaar kameez. The foreign tourists wear a funny conglomeration of the two, and I am honestly a bit wary of cultural appropriation- though I'm not sure how that functions when I am embedded both in the context of this culture, but retain a mostly western mindset. Clearly I am in a gray area.
I see a lady, about my age, riding on the back of a motorbike. She is wearing jeans and straddles the bike. Taking a physical manifestation of metaphor, this is a much more active position- facing forward, and exposing the front of her body to the world. This position says, "I am here, I have opinions, and I can execute my own decisions." Women in saris and even salwaar kameez (even though it's basically a pant suit), do not straddle. They sit side-saddle. This position is passive, it says, "I am along for the ride."
But there are also women like Roni, who dress in traditional, and more modest clothing, but recognize that that, too, is a kind of power. Deciding to cover my shoulders, my chest, my ankles, is the knowledge that, "this is my body, and I can exert some degree of self-protection by dressing in this way. Men, they are fickle and cannot control themselves, and so, I control myself."
When walking the paths with Roni, we pass by a few men and she adjusts her scarf around her neck and shoulders so that it hangs just so over her chest. She does this when a certain air of, "yeah, i know you like it, but you can't have it," and we keep walking.
And even with my trepidation of presenting myself as a tourist who just thought "those dress-things are SO PRETTY!" and wearing tie-dye and brightly colored kameezes, which would only serve to attract more attention to myself instead of the intended effect of avoiding "getting a lot of eyes from bad men," Roni insisted that I find myself a couple of suits. And despite my holding tightly onto the belief that men are not so lowly or weak, and I can dress in whatever way I feel comfortable and appropriate, I also feel less comfortable and certainly less appropriate in my typical fashion. I am the girl whose every outfit involves a tank-top, regardless of whether. That, however, will not fly here. (Plus... those dress-things really बहुत सुंदर हैं, are very pretty.)
"Asia is very different."
Sophie, this post gave me a lot to think about. It's surprising to hear that Roni thought that even with Ali Baba pants and a t-shirt, you were still not entirely "appropriate." This is such an interesting example of the gender dynamics that still exist. I particularly liked your metaphor about the women on the bikes- something I had never thought to analyze before but it makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteKeep the blog posts coming- I eagerly await them! :)