(The whole reflection, here)
Five years ago today, I was hospitalized for anorexia. Today, I am in India, studying yoga and Ayurvedic healing with the dream of one day using a holistic approach to help others suffering with eating disorders.
Eating Disorders (EDs) are, at the core, a severe disconnection from one's spirit and from the web of connection that forms this universe. It is a split between mind and body that manifests itself in some of the most extreme forms of self destruction from starvation to purgation, seesaw patterns of the two and everything in between. A person active in ED is not in his/her body, and is absorbed into a deranged mind, lacking a sense of aliveness. The protocol for ED treatment in the US is mostly from the perspective of weight gain with some counseling sprinkled on top. Even with nutrition as its basis, ED treatment is still amazingly mechanistic in it's philosophy, placing the highest value on calorie consumption and ratio of macronutrients; with no concern for the severely reduced digestive fire (agni, in Ayurveda, or capacity for digestion), a person's nature (prakriti, or dosha, or you could even say their preferences), or an individual's particular proclivities for disease (in a body that is under as much stress as an ED patient's body, these weaknesses and imbalances may become even more extreme, causing more stress and making it that much more difficult to enter into recovery).
Whatever counseling is present, either in the form of group or individual therapy, there is often no recognition given to the relationship between mind, body, and spirit. I understand that the word "spirit," is touchy in the States, what with freedom of religion and all, but I can't help but be frustrated when a therapist's number one priority is to help a patient heal, and they give no mention or concern for the patient's spiritual health (and I mean "spiritual," in the least dogmatic sense possible- really.)
Recognition of one's embeddedness in community; in the universe, has incredible healing capacity. When we remember and truly feel our connections to family and to nature, we are intrinsically more in sync with the patterns and rhythms around us, with the flow of energy within us, and with the sense that, "I am alive, and I deserve to be alive."
I started practicing yoga-asana shortly after my 2-month stay in the hospital, and the movement of my body, and the freedom of my breath, also enabled me to heal my spirit; little by little, these practices have continued to give me the lessons and the opportunity to grow, to heal and to live. I have re-entered my body, I cleanse my mind, and allow my spirit to flourish. Every day, I recover. Every day, I am amazed at how far I have come. Every day, I am so excited (and sure, sometimes afraid) about how far I have to go.
Here's an emerging incredible and honest online support structure and community for healing and recovery from disordered eating. Strengthen this community for support, be nourished.
peace, love, and strength to those who are suffering, have suffered, or know someone with ED.
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